July 13, 2008

Linda Murphy

Pentecost 9     Matthew 13:1-23

Have you ever rung the Auckland City Council? I do a lot and they seldom listen. Then there is Telecom’s computer generated voice, which is so annoying. You know it is not listening. It doesn’t have any ears!

If they do listen, they do so with their minds made up and as a consequence I am left dissatisfied. The Council of course is not alone in its mode of mind-made-up customer service. Listening seems to be a lost art.

Look at Zimbabwe, where the people voted to remove Robert Mugabe. He didn’t like what he heard, so he ignored the people.

I googled “listening” and there are 205 million sites dedicated to listening. The word ‘listen’ is used more than 400 times in the Bible where listening is often inconvenient. Abraham, Isaiah and Noah listened to God and it completely changes their thinking and understanding.

The subject is taught in business schools as an important managerial skill. Counsellors and therapists also study the subject. There are numerous papers and thesis written on the subject. So why is such an important communication tool used so badly? Why do we as friends, colleagues and neighbours fail to listen to the message?

If I feel frustrated that I am not being listened to, how angry must the marginalised groups such as Immigrants, teenagers, the homeless in our own society feel?

I can think of many world leaders who are not good listeners but I find it difficult to think of any current leaders who are good listeners. They may in fact be listening and express an abundance of empathy but the result is little change. The ‘church’ often falls into this category. How many of the problems within the Anglican Communion on the eve of the Lambeth Conference is the result of different factions refusing to listen. It is little wonder that we are surrounded by bigotry and violence.

Today’s Gospel from Matthew includes the verse ‘Let anyone with ears listen’. This is a reoccurring theme in the synoptic Gospels. Jesus frequently points out to the disciples the importance of listening.

So what skills do we need to listen effectively?

Listening requires of course a pair of ears but there is a non verbal element to listening properly. Effective listening is when the listener seeks to understand the one talking, and this seems to be the hard part. When the disciples didn’t ‘hear’ the message as Jesus intended it, it wasn’t their ears at fault but their spiritual perception.

Sometimes we don’t listen because we are:

* preoccupied,

* can’t ‘hear’ past our presumptions and prejudices,

* can’t ‘hear’ past our own opinion that is listened to,

* our desire to be ‘the important one’,

* our need to share our wisdom.

Listening to each other is important to avoid conflict, hurt and injustice.

We listen attentively to Michael and the Singing Group’s music each Sunday and hopefully to the sermon. Daily we passively absorb material from the media in various forms. Seldom do we reflect on this information. In the case of TV ads we unwittingly take on messages in the subconscious. In the case of campaigns against: drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and domestic violence this is not a bad thing, but it does leave the possibility to be manipulated by some powerful sector in society.

This manipulative communication is of course propaganda. Think how damaging this can be. Remember Hitler’s Nuremburg Rallies or more recent times the lies that lead to the current Iraq war.

To achieve attentive listening we need to be genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view. Our body language must express our interest in what the person is saying. We also need to verify that we have understood what was being said. The skill is not just hearing the words but ‘listening for the message’.

As a Mother I have not always listened attentively and it has usually cost me. I agreed to buy those really expensive and oh so necessary trainers. Teenagers are very skilled in knowing when we are not listening attentively and that is when they ask for those things you have no intention of allowing. All parents listen inattentively at your peril.

Another type of listening skill is hearing the message underneath the words being spoken. Often your child maybe saying “I don’t want to go to school today I’m sick”. In fact there may well be no illness but a problem at school or in the workplace. It’s about hearing the message not just the words.

Being Verger at St Matthew’s requires attentive listening. The nervous bride, the mother or father who knows how to organise a wedding ceremony better than we do and my nemesis First Security clamping cars during funerals, all need me to show empathy and acceptance that I understand what they are saying and of course I will endeavour to make sure the bride’s special day is special and mum and dad are shown an alternative way as diplomatically as possible.

However the First Security officer doesn’t usually receive an empathetic reply more in the way of “Listen to me, remove those clamps now or…”

I am often in conversation with ‘streeties’ and the topics are various. When listening to Jim or Joe is always give them my time, my attention, eye contact, a smile or commiserate. We share a worry or a pleasure and the reward is in the listening. Its not advice they need it is my attention and acknowledgement of their existence as members of our community. To listen to ‘streeties’ generally means I am taken out of my Paheka middle class world and that has been an unexpected challenge and reward for me.

Two Sundays ago Clay spoke about the importance of hospitality in being a Christian. Last Sunday Glynn spoke of the importance of spirituality. Both hospitality and spirituality cannot be attained without listening to ourselves and to each other.

Listening to our own ‘still small voice’ leads to a deepening of relationships and a greater sense of self for all. This kind of communication isn’t limited to human interactions. Listen to an animal, the waves on the beach, or the roar of the traffic on Hobson Street and you will come to a greater appreciation of your place in the universe. This spiritual listening is contemplative. It is essentially prayer. May we listen with our hearts and minds wide open. Fearlessly accepting that we will be changed along with those to whom we listen.

For those willing to listen properly, there are wonderful things to learn. Let us each day spend time listening to nature, our environment and humankind. Listen to God just as Abraham, Noah and Isaiah did before us. It may rock our world but the world will be a better place.