April 17, 2014

Alison Morgan

Maundy Thursday

I was tired, stressed and dirty. Looking around I could see I wasn’t alone; we were all looked a bit dusty and rather tense. We were all aware of the powerful people in Jerusalem flexing their muscles; making it clear that they didn’t like what Jesus was saying; what he was doing. We were all talking in a mixture of loud and slightly hysterical voices; most of us looking, a bit scared really. I wondered if this was the end of our teacher; I worried about what would happen to him. I worried about what would happen to me. Would my life become humdrum, would I have to go back to just sweeping floors and preparing meals? Would it be dangerous? I looked over at Jesus; He seemed to be thinking his own thoughts. He didn’t look worried; just calm. He turned, caught my eye and smiled.

Then something strange happened – I watched him take off his coat, pick up a towel and pour water into a bowl. The others began seeing it too and eventually we all stopped talking. What was he doing? Then he bent over Andrew and picked his foot from the floor and began washing it. I looked around catching Mary’s eye. I don’t how we missed this. One of us usually finds someone to do the feet washing. Maybe it was a sign of our stress. Mary shook her head. No, it wasn’t about that. She pointed to what Jesus was doing. Watch. It still felt really uncomfortable to see Jesus washing feet though. A servant’s job. Funnily enough, He didn’t look out of place. He washed and wiped Andrew’s feet in a way that was careful and kind. There was something else going on here.

I was a bit nervous when it came to my turn. I was torn; I really wanted to grab the bowl and take over, this wasn’t how it should be. But something kept me in place and I offered my feet for washing. Initially I was self-conscious of how bad my feet were. I felt guilty and apologetic. But as he began, those thoughts left me. My focus shifted in that moment from me to what Jesus was doing. I was no longer worried about my own stuff. I felt forgiven. I sensed his love and compassion for me. I felt in this mundane trivial act Jesus had blessed me.

Peter was next: “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” As usual wanting to know what was it was all about up front. Jesus could see he didn’t really get it. Peter had the same reaction as me – it seemed all wrong that Jesus should be washing our feet. Watching him with Peter I saw my mistake; we were focusing on ourselves when we needed to be focusing on him and each other.

“Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” Somehow this was part of His connecting with us. Jesus washing our feet was intentional and instructive. He was telling us to make our hospitality, the ways we attend to one another intentionally careful. He seemed to be saying that in the small things, when we give of ourselves, for each other, we are at one with Him.

So then Peter wanted more of it, hands and head as well. He wasn’t listening on that deeper level.

“You are clean” Jesus told us that mostly, we were already essentially pure, spiritually clean. It felt like he was seeing more in us, than we could see in ourselves. It might sound a bit strange but it was as though he was there right inside me. I could feel something deep down that it is hard for me to put into words even now.

But he said “mostly”. I heard the murmurings of betrayal. My first thought was, will it to be me? Would I somehow sabotage this new way of living. Was I strong enough to keep following his teaching? Did he see weakness in me? I often do get it wrong; don’t trust him enough.

It seems like that is in me too, the potential to let him down; to be the betrayer. I looked around; it could be any one of us. All of us while we are pure of heart; also have the potential to collude with our own darkness.

When I’m away from him I doubt if this sense of care and wonder is real. Then I am with him again and am sure. So I need to hold onto that; we need to hold on to that, because there are clearly hard times ahead.